Ante Up.

Sometimes I wish I'd spent more time paying attention in my Web classes rather than using that time to update my myspace and edit my Shakespeare papers.

But, as with Algebra classes- what's the point? I'd just hire someone to do this kind of thing for me.

Confessions of a Scrap-a-holic

I scrapbook. It's not blogging. It's not about my "journal" entries, my momentary lapses into organized chaos at work or a place to release a diatribe about the latest fad I've seen on the subway. No, I scrapbook because it's calming. I'm in control of the complete process- layout, setup, organization, content- the whole nine yards. How that would translate into a regular paying job is beyond me. What I do know is no matter how stressful life can be- I can, without hesitation, sprawl out on my floor with pages and pages of paper, stamps and ribbons and create a memory on paper. Looking back at the past 10 years I've been indulging in this hobby- I can see how much better I've gotten and resist the urge to redo the pages. After spending $90 in Michaels on Friday I can't help but wonder- would someone pay me to do this?

Working on Leaving

I stood at the door of Holy Apostles anguishing over a decision about my future, not unlike the 1,000 people who’d walked through the doors earlier that day to receive a free meal carry. Six months into my AmeriCorps fellowship and already I’d worked with 1,884 volunteers serving over 67,396 meals. Still, it seemed something was missing. Maybe it was time to walk away from AmeriCorps and realize I was not cut out for this sort of work. I’d finally decided that this night would determine my future with AmeriCorps. I thought maybe some clarity would come to me by the end of the night. I had no idea that it would be one person that made all the difference.

St. Johns Bread and Life is a soup kitchen in the heart of Bedford-Stuyvesant. Even though it is only a few blocks from my apartment, I didn’t serve there until 5 months into my service year. St. Johns feeds about 250 daily with a small kitchen and crew of devoted volunteers. What stands out among those that volunteer is the food pantry coordinator. Always with a smile, Yemi is quick to laugh and even quicker to put you to work. No matter what her mood, she always has a smile just for her volunteers. From the first day at YSOP, I’ve heard many comments about how volunteer’s experiences are enriched due to a smile and a laugh with Yemi. She made the part of the day easier when volunteers talk about their experiences at a soup kitchen.

I greeted donors and friends of YSOP as they came into Holy Apostles. Although I’d only met her once before, she made a beeline for me, said “Thank You” and handed me flowers. It caught me off guard. So many times had I called her frantically needing a site and asking if I could send her “just 6 more volunteers” So many times have I had to call her and tell her groups were running late or not coming at all. She even came in on a Sunday just to find something for my volunteers to do at St. Johns. If anyone should be doing the thanking, it should be me. I stood there speechless. I tried to express my gratitude for everything she’d done and asked why in the world she would be thanking me. In so many words she explained that without the volunteers that I sent, she wouldn’t have the energy to do the work that she did. Without her, I tried to explain, there wouldn’t be volunteers eager to serve.
As my year comes to a close, I still think about the night I almost walked away. Long hours and a few encounters with angry students, teachers and homeless individuals can deter anyone, much less someone in this position. I started out my year thinking I was helping the homeless and helping students. But it was a smile and a couple of flowers that showed me that the real lives I was touching were the ones that have dedicated their lives to serving others.

Pancakes and Posts

Here are two posts I'd started to write and then stopped. Note the emo eminating off. Oh and each one posted with the same picture:

1: Is there a point in one's life where things just sort of work themselves out? Or is life still just a series of events that our brain connects based on how important they seem to you? Is there any point to worrying about tomorrow? Especially when it prevents you from living for today? What a melancholy train of thoughts.
I'm looking for a new job. I've got just a few weeks left with this one and need to get on the job search. I've also started looking into a script I'm developing. I don't know what that's going to be like but it's starting off well.

2. There's a lot to be said about the moments during a rainstorm. Its the time where I can compare the chapters of my life and smile just a little more. Rain is soothing. Use the lightning to channel your breathing. It rained inside some days. Just like it rains inside your soul some days.
Writer's Note:
You will read this and think, "Is this directed at me?" To which, I can only respond, "Parts of it were". The truth is, F. Scott wrote to Zelda and Gerdie wrote to Alice. Hemmingway wrote to a couple of ladies (although I wouldn't call that writing) and Jane Austen wrote to someone she never met. So there are some days when yes, I am writing to you. Some days, I'm writing about someone else. And sometimes, I'm writing just to make sense to myself. What flows through my fingertips is a mixture of reality, fantasy, love and loathing. I cannot take credit for everything. In fact, I believe I will take the Mark Twain approach to most of my musings. Those attempting to find truth shall be shot. Or something like that.